|
[02 Dec 2007|01:42am] |
|
It's really hard to look on the bright side when your family - some of your best friends, the greatest people life has to offer - keeps dying.
|
|
| You can try to resist |
[01 Dec 2007|06:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Leanne rimes - can't fight the moonlight |
] |
So, i met this girl, and i'm totally into her, and can't get her out of my head. Her name? Yeah, definitely the same as my mom's.
|
|
|
[20 Nov 2007|10:08am] |
I've recently done a complete one-eighty. I've learned that seemingly mundane things can be completely life-altering, and they have been. I'm going to keep doing them, because it's remarkable the changes I've seen in the past two weeks, alone.
I feel good.
|
|
|
[07 Nov 2007|02:09pm] |
|
I'm laying here, thinking. I can't get you out of my head. I'd never admit it out loud, but you consume me. Whether you realize it or not, whether you believe it or not, whether you accept it or not, I am you, and you are me. We're inextricably bound, you and I. The fights, the words, the pushes, the shoves, they mean nothing. One glance my way, and they're forgotten. Meaningless. Just like the way you make me feel. Sometimes, anyway. I love you, and you know it. You use it to your advantage every opportunity you get. Not that I blame you. I know you love me too, and you always will. But only when it's convenient. I find myself relating to inanimate objects. Motionless, still, lifeless. But that's only because you're not here. I can't even lift my head off the pillow. I wish it didn't smell like you. And I wish your clothes weren't strewn all over my floor. And I wish I wasn't always tripping over the shoes you left in my doorway. Not that I'd ever move them, I just wish they were somewhere else. I wish that the picture of you sitting on my table wasn't always smiling. I wish your eyes weren't so blue, and your hair wasn't always in place, and that your smile wasn't so flawless. You're beautiful, you know. Not perfect, but beautiful no less. I want you out of my head, my mind, my heart, my bed... I just want to let go. But I can't. I won't. Your lingering smell comforts me. It comforts me in a way I can't even explain. You maintain my sanity, all the while, driving me out of my mind. I could say that I won't let you let me down again, but I'd be lying. You could walk all over me, and I'd ask for more. I could say that I won't let you get the best of me, but it's too late. I could say that I won't let you get to me, but you've already got me. I wish that you would let me go. I wish I could let you go. I wish, more than anything, that I didn't wish you were here.
|
|
| We only said goodbye with words... |
[02 Nov 2007|02:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Amy winehouse - back to black |
] |
It will have been five months that he's been gone as of tomorrow and it still hurts like it was yesterday.
|
|
| Love is a gun, love is a knife. She's a killer. |
[23 Oct 2007|12:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kiss - Stone Cold Killer |
] |
It's been ages since I've written in here. SO much has changed. But I'm good. Actually, everything is good.
In the last year or so, I've lost everything, gotten it all back and then some, and then lost it all over again. Four family members have died since June '06. This past summer has probably been the most difficult time I've ever gone through, but I'm okay. I made it. I went through my first really terrible break up, and although it was rough, and being friends afterwards was worse, I'm okay. I pulled through. I lost my house. Twice. But now Alex and I rent out the basement apartment, and I love it. What could be better than to live with your best friend (and SEVEN cats!) and have your other best friend over so often, he may as well live with you too. Not a whole lot. It took me a long time to get here, but now, I'm okay.
I got a promotion. Even though I was kicked out of school, Jean had Tracy train me so I can work as a tech. And now I do. I'm doing surgeries and dentals now, and that's HUGE. Instead of hiring someone new, Jean preferred to train me because she thought I woulod do a better job. I love it there so much.
In short, I'm closer with Karie, Jamie, Alex, and Adam than ever before. I get along with my parents, (for the most part, anyway...) I'm happy where I live, I've got my babies back (and then some!) and I LOVE my job. Everything's going really well.
I'm looking forward to making costumes wih Alex over the next week. I'm looking forward to Adam coming over. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Amanda Bradley for my birthday on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to going to Tango's this Friday for my birthday with Adam, Alex, and Heather. I'm looking forward to partying with Karie, Jamie, Adam, Alex, Tony, Ryan, Kyle, and Cassy this weekend. I'm looking forward to going away for Christmas with Adam to Montreal.
I have the greatest friends in the world. Two weekends ago, Jamie, Adam, Alex and I had a drinking night at our place. Then Karie and Tony came down, and it was incredible. I've never felt so like myself as I do when I know I'm surrounded by people that give a damn. Especially them. The fact that two of my best friends are my siblings, definitely says something. They're incredible people, and I know I could turn to them for anything, and they'd be there. Same with Adam and Alex, who may as well be siblings.
It was nice to get that all down. Not for anyone else, but for me. I haven't used this journal in so long, there's an excellent chance nobody will read this. But I like it that way.
To everyone I love that's stuck by me, you're beautiful. To everyone I've loved and lost... well, I'd say it's better this way. Wouldn't you?
|
|
|
[30 May 2007|06:48pm] |
I'm falling apart and becoming a hermit.
Really, I just doin't give a shit.
|
|
|
[19 Feb 2007|08:19pm] |
I practiced all the things I'd say to tell you how I feel, and when I finally get my chance, it all seems so surreal.
Life is so fucking weird sometimes. Seriously, I never saw any of this coming.
|
|
|
[31 Jan 2007|12:05am] |
|
Big Girls Don't Cry
- Fergie
Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
La Da Da Da Da Da
I love this song so much right now. Fergie. Who'd have guessed?
|
|
| You're more than tongue-tied this time. I can feel it in your lips. |
[23 Jan 2007|09:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
New Found Glory - Sucker |
] |
Strange, strange week.
I miss Sam. A lot.
Silly, silly me. I let myself get into the worst predicaments.
Reciprocation is never present. A lesson well-learned.
I'd say that I'm going to stop, but I'd just be lying. I just won't take anything from it anymore.
Munkey is getting so big.
Easier said than done, I know.
This song reminds me of... well, let's just say it reminds me.
( Sucker )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
flatoutdefiance's journal